I have made the difficult decision to withdraw from the Peace Corps process. I was offered my dream job and could not pass it up. I still hope to complete Peace Corps service within the next decade but I realized that it does not have to be now.
It is my hope that a few more years of professional experience will actually make me a more qualified candidate for service. I was a bit upset after sending the e-mail to withdraw my candidacy but ultimately I know I made the right choice for me at this point in my life.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
When Life Begins to Move too Fast for Peace Corps...
Life is determined to make this as complicated as possible. In the field where I will be receiving my master's in May most of the job placement occurs between February and April (aka now). Because PC is not set in stone (although remains my top choice) I have applied to a few (a very selective few) jobs that I could see myself enjoying and that realistically could give Peace Corps a run for its money...
Well this plan may have backfired...or not depending on the perspective. The timeline for my top pick of jobs is moving way faster than I was anticipating. I had a phone interview earlier today and have already been invited to an onsite interview (indicating I am one of the top candidates). This is great...but also terrible, because if the process continues to move this fast there is the very real possibility that I could have an offer next week. However, I have heard nothing from PC placement, which does not leave me feeling very confident that I will hear from them before I am asked to make a decision.
As a result I did what I know you should not do...or at least that is the impression I got from many of the blogs on here...I emailed my placement officer's assistant. I asked for more details on my timeline. At this point I need more information.
It is not fair for me to lead on a job if I am seriously considering a different option...but I also can not afford to pass up on this opportunity for PC, which may not even happen. It would be one thing if I had a job currently...but I do not, so missing out on a job that could realistically in this economy be my one shot at an offer from somewhere I genuinely want to work is very hard.
Any advice? Anyone else struggling with a similar dilemma.
Well this plan may have backfired...or not depending on the perspective. The timeline for my top pick of jobs is moving way faster than I was anticipating. I had a phone interview earlier today and have already been invited to an onsite interview (indicating I am one of the top candidates). This is great...but also terrible, because if the process continues to move this fast there is the very real possibility that I could have an offer next week. However, I have heard nothing from PC placement, which does not leave me feeling very confident that I will hear from them before I am asked to make a decision.
As a result I did what I know you should not do...or at least that is the impression I got from many of the blogs on here...I emailed my placement officer's assistant. I asked for more details on my timeline. At this point I need more information.
It is not fair for me to lead on a job if I am seriously considering a different option...but I also can not afford to pass up on this opportunity for PC, which may not even happen. It would be one thing if I had a job currently...but I do not, so missing out on a job that could realistically in this economy be my one shot at an offer from somewhere I genuinely want to work is very hard.
Any advice? Anyone else struggling with a similar dilemma.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
PC Panic Attack...The First of Many
Disclaimer: This post does not mean that I am not still pursuing Peace Corps. It is simply a place for me to process through the roller coaster of emotions I have been dealing with lately.
I am logical to a fault...sometimes for the best, sometimes not. In this case I think it will only help. I am not likely to make a ridiculous decision simply because I am experiencing a slue of emotions.
I received medical clearance about 4 weeks ago and was contacted by placement 3 weeks ago asking for an updated resume and was told I would be contacted (most likely in 3-5 weeks). For the first week I was super stoked, dealing with a ton of RAS, and obsessively checking my e-mail, phone, and mailbox. And then something happened...not sure what but I started to have this rush of emotions every time my phone rings, I receive an email, or I check my mailbox.
Some days its a "oooo what if the letter is here, this is so exciting" kind of emotions.
Other days it is a "fuck I really don't want to go...what if I got a letter" kind of emotion.
And others it is a "gah what if PC decided they don't want me" sort of feeling.
And most of the time I can't truly tell which I am feeling.
I deal really well with transition...I do not deal well with the months leading up to transition and this is no exception. As a result of this roller coaster I have taken some time to begin to process why I am feeling this way.
I think that ultimately at the root of it is my profound fear of rejection...it is easier to decide I don't want to do something than it is to hear that I can not. This is bullcrap...and I refuse to let myself talk myself out of something because I am afraid that I wont get an offer. This is probably inter mixed with just generally a fear of the unknown, of leaving my friends, my cats, my family...I find a million things that I think I will miss in the next two years...but the reality is that I should not talk myself out of experiences simply because of other experiences that are simply more known to me.
The hardest to process through has been in relation to my general feelings related to my coming out process and sexual orientation. I have really been grappling with what it will be like to serve for 2.5 years and effectively have to return to living in the closet. This in and of itself is not my fear...my fear is not having anyone else to process these feelings with while I am abroad. I do not know how reliably I will be able to stay in contact with my family or my queer support network of friends in the states. I do not know if there will be other queer volunteers in the country with me...or even if there are that they will be posted near me.
Throw on top of this that I have the most awesome group of friends I have ever had (and yes I know they will be here when I get back...but will it be the same?). And I have found myself having feelings for someone it becomes just one huge hodge podge of emotion and questioning.
Thats enough for now...next post will talk about why I am still super excited about Peace Corps and negotiating my conflicting emotions.
I am logical to a fault...sometimes for the best, sometimes not. In this case I think it will only help. I am not likely to make a ridiculous decision simply because I am experiencing a slue of emotions.
I received medical clearance about 4 weeks ago and was contacted by placement 3 weeks ago asking for an updated resume and was told I would be contacted (most likely in 3-5 weeks). For the first week I was super stoked, dealing with a ton of RAS, and obsessively checking my e-mail, phone, and mailbox. And then something happened...not sure what but I started to have this rush of emotions every time my phone rings, I receive an email, or I check my mailbox.
Some days its a "oooo what if the letter is here, this is so exciting" kind of emotions.
Other days it is a "fuck I really don't want to go...what if I got a letter" kind of emotion.
And others it is a "gah what if PC decided they don't want me" sort of feeling.
And most of the time I can't truly tell which I am feeling.
I deal really well with transition...I do not deal well with the months leading up to transition and this is no exception. As a result of this roller coaster I have taken some time to begin to process why I am feeling this way.
I think that ultimately at the root of it is my profound fear of rejection...it is easier to decide I don't want to do something than it is to hear that I can not. This is bullcrap...and I refuse to let myself talk myself out of something because I am afraid that I wont get an offer. This is probably inter mixed with just generally a fear of the unknown, of leaving my friends, my cats, my family...I find a million things that I think I will miss in the next two years...but the reality is that I should not talk myself out of experiences simply because of other experiences that are simply more known to me.
The hardest to process through has been in relation to my general feelings related to my coming out process and sexual orientation. I have really been grappling with what it will be like to serve for 2.5 years and effectively have to return to living in the closet. This in and of itself is not my fear...my fear is not having anyone else to process these feelings with while I am abroad. I do not know how reliably I will be able to stay in contact with my family or my queer support network of friends in the states. I do not know if there will be other queer volunteers in the country with me...or even if there are that they will be posted near me.
Throw on top of this that I have the most awesome group of friends I have ever had (and yes I know they will be here when I get back...but will it be the same?). And I have found myself having feelings for someone it becomes just one huge hodge podge of emotion and questioning.
Thats enough for now...next post will talk about why I am still super excited about Peace Corps and negotiating my conflicting emotions.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Cost of Hate
This past week I attended the Midwestern Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, Ally College Conference in Ann Arbor Michigan. The conference itself was excellent and it was great to see a supportive and affirming community of Queer people gathered in one place to discuss issues. However, sadly the greater communities response to the conference was not as supportive as one would hope.
One event that was held on Saturday night in the Michigan Memorial Union was a dance for the attendees of the conference. As the dance was ending (around 2am)and delegates were leaving the Union a car carrying several unidentified individuals drove by with bb-guns and opened fire on the delegates. While no one was seriously hurt, this is still an incredibly violent response and someone could have experienced serious bodily harm as a result. It is not a far leap to move from assault with a bb-gun to deadly assault with a real weapon. In addition the larger issue is that anyone felt they had the right to open fire on a group of teenagers and young adults simply because of their sexual orientation.
This experience, along with others in my own life, have left me questioning what is the cost of hate? Both literally and figuratively. As a queer identified person it saddens me that there are very few places where I can feel supported and affirmed in my identity. The media and various conservative organizations launch almost daily attacks on LGBT people in this country and LGBT individuals are disproportionally the victims of hate crimes; with Transgendered individuals being more likely to be killed in a hate/bias incident than all other groups (including African Americans, Jews, Women, etc) combined. These attacks, both physical and verbal, are not just attacks on queer people but on all people. It saddens me to live in a world where we sanction or ignore violence against any group...simply by virtue of being a member of that group.
At the conference one of the key note speakers advocated for LGBTQ youth to get involved in anti-racist, anti-ableistic, etc. movements because if we allow hate and violence towards any group...it means we are allowing violence against all people. You can not pick and chose.
When I think about the hateful rallies, media, postings, blogging, speeches, etc. that target not only LGBTQ individuals but also people of color, people with disabilities, people without citizenship, women, Muslims, etc. I wonder how the world would look if we did not spend millions of dollars and hours sanctioning these actions. How much good could an organization do if they focused on making positive changes (feeding the hungry, providing shelter to the homeless, fueling our failing education system) rather than funneling money and time into acts of hate.
I am left wondering what is the true cost of hate? In this time of financial crisis how much money continues to be spent on furthering a hateful agenda? On denying others rights?
One event that was held on Saturday night in the Michigan Memorial Union was a dance for the attendees of the conference. As the dance was ending (around 2am)and delegates were leaving the Union a car carrying several unidentified individuals drove by with bb-guns and opened fire on the delegates. While no one was seriously hurt, this is still an incredibly violent response and someone could have experienced serious bodily harm as a result. It is not a far leap to move from assault with a bb-gun to deadly assault with a real weapon. In addition the larger issue is that anyone felt they had the right to open fire on a group of teenagers and young adults simply because of their sexual orientation.
This experience, along with others in my own life, have left me questioning what is the cost of hate? Both literally and figuratively. As a queer identified person it saddens me that there are very few places where I can feel supported and affirmed in my identity. The media and various conservative organizations launch almost daily attacks on LGBT people in this country and LGBT individuals are disproportionally the victims of hate crimes; with Transgendered individuals being more likely to be killed in a hate/bias incident than all other groups (including African Americans, Jews, Women, etc) combined. These attacks, both physical and verbal, are not just attacks on queer people but on all people. It saddens me to live in a world where we sanction or ignore violence against any group...simply by virtue of being a member of that group.
At the conference one of the key note speakers advocated for LGBTQ youth to get involved in anti-racist, anti-ableistic, etc. movements because if we allow hate and violence towards any group...it means we are allowing violence against all people. You can not pick and chose.
When I think about the hateful rallies, media, postings, blogging, speeches, etc. that target not only LGBTQ individuals but also people of color, people with disabilities, people without citizenship, women, Muslims, etc. I wonder how the world would look if we did not spend millions of dollars and hours sanctioning these actions. How much good could an organization do if they focused on making positive changes (feeding the hungry, providing shelter to the homeless, fueling our failing education system) rather than funneling money and time into acts of hate.
I am left wondering what is the true cost of hate? In this time of financial crisis how much money continues to be spent on furthering a hateful agenda? On denying others rights?
Monday, February 21, 2011
Calling all Nominees...
Anyone else nominated for Sub-Saharan Africa in June?
Lets be RAS buddies together...:)
In other news I submitted my final portfolio to my Master's committee...so two weeks from now I will officially be an M.Ed. Woot Woot!
Lets be RAS buddies together...:)
In other news I submitted my final portfolio to my Master's committee...so two weeks from now I will officially be an M.Ed. Woot Woot!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Anyone Else Out There?
So in order to combat my RAS (restless applicant syndrome) I am trying a few things...
The first is starting to connect with others who have similar nominations as me SOOOO are there any others out there nominated for June, Sub-Saharan Africa, Portuguese Speaking, Health Extension? Based on what I know from pcwiki I am guessing this is likely Mozambique, although I recognize this can change...
The second is to find others who are sitting in the limbo between medical and placement so that we can commiserate through our RAS together.
The third is to become better at blogging...I have no idea if I will have access to internet while in service but I want to begin to practice now so that I am able to ramble about my experiences effectively when I do.
So...ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE? Let be blogging friends so that I am not going through this process alone...who knows we may end up in the same country for service!
The first is starting to connect with others who have similar nominations as me SOOOO are there any others out there nominated for June, Sub-Saharan Africa, Portuguese Speaking, Health Extension? Based on what I know from pcwiki I am guessing this is likely Mozambique, although I recognize this can change...
The second is to find others who are sitting in the limbo between medical and placement so that we can commiserate through our RAS together.
The third is to become better at blogging...I have no idea if I will have access to internet while in service but I want to begin to practice now so that I am able to ramble about my experiences effectively when I do.
So...ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE? Let be blogging friends so that I am not going through this process alone...who knows we may end up in the same country for service!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Medical Clearance
I finally received my letter in the mail stating that I received full medical clearance. My file was passed on to the placement office and I also was contacted by the assistant to my placement specialist.
She asked me to send in an updated copy of my resume including any new work or volunteer experiences I had gained since my nomination last August. She also said that my final review for placement would likely take place in 4 to 6 weeks...
I am very glad that grad school involvement is really picking up now as I prepare for my final Master's Oral Defense date because hopefully that will serve to help keep me distracted as I wait for the next step in the process.
Most of my classmates are well immersed in the job search for after graduation and I am beginning to get pressure from people asking why I am not applying for jobs. I am trying not to stress out over the fact that my field typically does the majority of its hiring during Now-May which is right during the time when I may or may not hear back from Peace Corps. I just do not feel right applying for a job I know I will not take if I hear from PC...however, the reality is also that if I do not apply for a job now I may not be able to find one until this time next year. It is completely nerve wracking.
More later :)
She asked me to send in an updated copy of my resume including any new work or volunteer experiences I had gained since my nomination last August. She also said that my final review for placement would likely take place in 4 to 6 weeks...
I am very glad that grad school involvement is really picking up now as I prepare for my final Master's Oral Defense date because hopefully that will serve to help keep me distracted as I wait for the next step in the process.
Most of my classmates are well immersed in the job search for after graduation and I am beginning to get pressure from people asking why I am not applying for jobs. I am trying not to stress out over the fact that my field typically does the majority of its hiring during Now-May which is right during the time when I may or may not hear back from Peace Corps. I just do not feel right applying for a job I know I will not take if I hear from PC...however, the reality is also that if I do not apply for a job now I may not be able to find one until this time next year. It is completely nerve wracking.
More later :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)